No sleep

Some of my friends at work held a prayer chain for me on Thurs. It worked! Friday I was over my funk from the test results, and believe that a new direction is needed for my treatment. It somehow became crystal clear after hearing about the prayer chain. The discussion with the Dr. pointed out that we are no longer on the same page. There are other things to start trying. Don't laugh, but I just read Suzanne Somer's book "Breakthrough, 8 steps to Wellness". She does seem a bit out there sometimes, but it opened my eyes to all the possibilities in treating cancer beside chemo and radiation. I was so excited for a couple days that it was hard to sleep.

I remember saying to the Dr, that if the chemo was working, I wanted to stay on it until the cancer was gone. He responded that my body wouldn't be able to handle it for that long, it can't handle the toxicity levels that prolonged chemo would bring. He also said that in 6 months I would be glad of that. He was right. After another chemo treatment on Tues, I feel crappy. Not crappy enough that I can't move, but crappy enough. I can't get anyone at Mayo to admit that diet really makes a difference - not even the nutritionists. There is so much information out there and it all contradicts itself, no wonder people just follow the traditional path. Who has time to figure out what's right and what really works?? I just finally decided that I'll finish out the chemo (maybe) while researching my other options. I have never believed in drugs (for most of my own problems - there is certainly a place for them in medicine - although after surgery the Vicodin sure was nice :)) Why should I continue to compromise that belief now? There are other options to explore. Right after the crappy wears off.

Scan day

It could be worse. We went down to Rochester yesterday for a PET scan (EARLY in the morning). The great news is that the tumors on my sternum and leg look good, there is not much, if any, cancer activity. The less than great news is that the tumors on my spine are still there and haven't reduced at all. The glass half full side of me will now tell you that at least they aren't any bigger. There are possibly two new tumors, one on my right arm, up by the shoulder and one in a lymph node on the right side in the pelvic region. They aren't showing up as very "hot", just a tiny bit of color which is why the Dr. is sceptical about whether they really are cancerous.

We then chatted about next steps and it sounds like I'll have another couple rounds of chemo and be put on the waiting list for a clinical trial. The Dr. will then look for the right drug to keep the cancer at bay and I'd probably be taking it for the rest of my life. WHOA horsey. I explained that my goal was to get rid of this thing and NOT be on these kind of drugs forever. HE explained that his goal is just to keep the cancer from spreading and to reduce it as much as possible, but his experience shows that it is unrealistic to have these type of tumors "go away". So we agreed to disagree on our goals. My goals remains unchanged. In case you haven't picked up on it, I don't like taking drugs, not even Tylenol or Ibuprofen. Taking chemo or any other toxic drug for the long term is NOT my idea of good living.

I am a little disappointed in the results as I had hoped for all the tumors to be receding. This means that I have to dig a little deeper, learn more and get better at practicing some of the things that I've been learning. It means it will take longer to reach my goals than I had hoped. I guess I haven't learned enough from the cancer yet, but it is giving me a chance to keep learning, for that I am grateful.

I passed on the chemo for the day. My counts are still low and since this sounds like a long term type of adventure, we'll go back next week for treatment. It gives me another good weekend :)

Mind mush

I used to be a competent professional. Now, not so much. I had lunch with three awesome people and told them to meet me at Turtles in St. Louis Park off 100 on Excelsior. Ray leaves this message "ah, I think you have your animals mixed up. Did you mean Bunny's?". Yes, I did mean Bunny's. The other day while going for a walk I interviewed myself, and I didn't get the job. My mind is turning to mush; words go missing, people that I've known for years no longer have names. I'm going to blame the cancer for now, it really can't be old age yet...right??

Lately things seem pretty darn good. I can get around, the cold is pretty much gone, it seems a TAD cold, but we do live in Minnesota. The other day I even made it around three floors of the MOA! Of course I wasn't setting any land speed records, but it was great conversation (with Jamie, this time it wasn't with myself) and it felt good to move around.

Status quo

Here is a picture of the baldie at Xmas with brother in law Darin and Kate. Notice Kate is dressed up in cute dress with santa hat. She has worn this outfit to school twice since Xmas, hat and all. I used to wonder how people with small children got through things like this. Now I wonder how they would do it without kids.

Betty, I tried to take a picture of the lights outside, but it didn't turn out very well. They really do look pretty cool, I'll try again at some point. Joe's friend Paul had them put up and it made the house look quite festive!! Thanks Paul!

The leg is better, but I had a cold last week that scared me a bit. I was worried that it would morph into the flu or some infection which would leave me in the hospital. However, the cold was a little more intense than I'm used to, but it went through all the normal stages pretty quickly and now is just a minor irritation in my sinuses. Chemo last week wasn't any big deal, it was just the Navelbine (yes, the Dr. reduced the dose) and there weren't any side effects other than some nausea and fatigue. By now I feel pretty darn good, and we don't go back until the 22nd. That will be a busy day because of the PET SCAN!!! It's at 7:30 in the morning, but at least we'll have an idea on how well the chemo and radiation are working.

I had a massage today and it was AWESOME. It's one of the best things in the world and it was even better because the therapist came to the house. I'm not even going to pretend to help shovel today and ruin a good massage :) It was my friend Amy's aunt, and Amy arranged the whole deal. Thank you Amy!!

The new chemo doesn't seem to promote hair loss like the first ones. The hairs on my chin started coming back, isn't that a treat......

Happy New Year

Did everyone have happy holidays? We did. The girls have been thoroughly spoiled, the house is still a mess and we had loads of time with family. The icing on the cake was NOT having chemo on the week of Christmas. You don't realize what a blessing that is until you have it the week of New Years Eve :)

Just to catch everyone up, I did have some issues with my leg and had to stop walking (for exercise) for awhile. It seems to be better so it's back to the daily walks. There was PMS inspired depression, but I'm heading into chemo inspired menopause so that's ok for short bits. I really don't see the downside of menopause. I'm done having kids - it's really a young persons sport - no more mood swings, no more being cranky for a week at a time, no more embarrassing trips to the store for Joe, no more cramps and bloating, its about 10 years ahead of schedule, but.....this is a good thing!!!

We had mommy and me days with the girls. Kate thought Underwater Adventures was boring, so I had to take her on a couple roller coaster rides at the mall to save the day. It worked because she asked when the next mommy and me day was going to be. Jenna and I went to the mall and had our manny and peddys. She got pink fingers and blue toenails. She had a huge smile on her face when we went in and asked when we could go back on the way out. Aunt Jeanne came down from Grand Forks and pretty much stayed with the kids all week. It was pretty much a life saver since I had chemo on Tues and by Thurs I was wiped out. Its easier when the kids are at school and home late in the afternoon, trying to keep up with two tornados all day after chemo is more of a challenge.

My counts are still low, but we're on for tomorrow's chemo. The Dr. talked about reducing the dosage based on my counts, so I called him a chicken. I'm SURE that will change his mind. It's only been two months since I've been on chemo, it feels like 12. The next scan is supposed to be around the 20th of this month. It will be on the same day as chemo for Round 4. After tomorrow I'll be 1/2 way through this treatment schedule, hurrah, hurrah!

FYI, today at target I got a coupon for $3 off John Frieda hair care products :) HA. Maybe they have a good scalp balm!

SUE BOO WHAT IS GOING ON??? Are you living in Hong Kong?